I'm Alive, This is What it Sounds Like

Thoughts in: L.A. 

 Words have a limit. They're only a slight reflection of the truth. Most of the time, they only touch on the truth - not because the person speaking intends for it to be that way, but because there isn't a word or there aren't many combinations of words that can fully describe what one truly means. There are so many situations that I wish I could justify with just one word: 

• Being so excited about a photo project you're going to start because you've once again, found yourself. 
• Those mixed feelings of relief, fear, and exaltation the moment you find out your graduation date and that your college days are numbered. 
• That moment of "I-don't-know-what-this-feeling-is" when you notice that an ex probably misses you. 
• Suddenly feeling humbled by the thought that you want happiness for people, even the ones who've hurt you so deeply. 
• Just breathing in and out and feeling happy with your life and that the future just gets more and more thrilling. 
• Waking up without a heavy heart and finally feeling lighthearted. 
• Getting goosebumps just thinking about all you've been through and saying "I can't believe I just got through that."

Everything is so wordy, but it's the best I could do. Even so, how I feel isn't wholly portrayed through all those words. Sometimes I wish I could share a feeling with someone - a moment where they can feel the way my heart feels. But then again, I guess some things are just meant to be felt and not described. 

Isn't it fascinating? We spend all our time trying to figure out cures for diseases or if there are life forms outside our planet, but we couldn't find answers to the feelings we feel because they're just indescribable. We always look for things that aren't there and forget to focus on and understand things that already exist. 

Words can only take you so far and even if we create words to describe all these feelings or moments, doesn't mean we'll be given the ability to feel the same things. I guess that's the magic we have in life - the magic in the mystery of the unknown and the incapability of sharing certain things. That won't stop me from attempting to share my feelings though. I'll share my words the best way I could because feelings are magic and they can change someone more than anything in the world could. Just find the magic in things. 

Lost in the freeway, this must be L.A.

Thoughts in: L.A. 

I had a spectacular Saturday. My friends and I went to Dockweiler beach to have a bonfire and chill. Although we couldn't find a pit, we made the best out of what we had. One more thing I get to cross off my bucket list and a life event that I really wanted to experience for the longest time. Somehow the time just passed by so quickly. After the beach, we went bowling, which was great because we pretty much played until 1 something in the morning. If this doesn't feel like college, I don't know what else will. It was just so great and I felt such bliss just being with my friends, laughing, listening to great music, and being me.

What I realized is that this is probably one of the reasons why God didn't plan for my ex and I to work out, because without the breakup, I wouldn't initiate all these hangouts  and I would miss out on all these cool things we do if I were still with my ex. What makes me ecstatic is that I feel awesome about that realization, because when I think about it, my best college experiences were the days I spent with my friends. I'm not saying you can't have a great college life with a significant other, but in my case, I really wouldn't have gotten the chance to go on all these adventures and hangouts with my friends if I was in my past relationship.

Even if sometimes I miss having that one special person to go on adventures with and chill out in the house and watch TV shows and movies with, I am nothing but thankful for my friends and how my life has turned out thus far. I hope my ex and his new girlfriend are having a good time, because I'm having such a great time finding happiness in the little things in life and doing all the things I've wanted to do with friends who equally want to do them as much as I do. Whatever I have now, he's missing out on big time. I wouldn't trade any of this for the relationship I had with him. I thank God and life for the good times he and I had, but now, I'm really finding peace and happiness from the breakup and his moving on quickly. I'm close to free from the shackles of the breakup and the aftermath.

Life really is something. Being single really is something. Having amazing friends really is something. Here's to more surprises - our journey has just begun.

That Little Refresher Called Spring Break

Thoughts in: Springfield, Oregon!!!

Yes, I am in Oregon, how exciting is that? This place is all sorts of lovely - greenery everywhere, a little fall of rain, and the weather. The weather is the best thing ever! 50 degrees fahrenheit, oh, I am in heaven and I love it so so so so so so so much!! I am currently ending Day 2 of my stay here and everything has been wonderful and relaxing - just what I needed. I can't wait to see the rest of this place though.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking (of course, I think a lot but sometimes I don't want to but the thoughts consume me). I'm in a really good place in my life right now - no more heavy weight of being in the relationship I was in. I didn't know how much I was being pulled down until I started doing stuff for myself because I finally could. Although the single life has been great so far, with just a few annoying suitors who I absolutely have no interest in, sometimes I wonder if I could ever trust a guy to be faithful to me and just love me for the rest of our lives together and stick with me throughout all the struggles. Somehow I just lost, if not all, a ton of hope in the whole guy-committing-to-me idea. Like no matter how many times they tell you they want to grow old with you, somehow, they'll end up throwing all that out of the window.

It's scary. I used to have full trust in someone and now I don't. I hope people are right when they say he's out there. And I hope that he truly proves to me that he means what he's saying - not like those half-assed words that are said when the good times roll, but are then forgotten when the harder times come along. I hope you find me, Mr. Right. I hope you're doing well and I hope you're in a good place in your life. Just be patient with me, okay? :)