Just Once

Feelings in: L.A.

Getting over someone is probably the hardest thing a woman can go through. What sucks is even when life seems to be getting better, I always seem to fall in the holes on the ground. That's what it's really like - walking on the ground with hills along the way; no matter how much you walk forward, the ground will always have some pit holes that you would fall into. It doesn't matter whether or not you're on top of the hill or not, there's always going to be a hole of sadness and climbing out that hole to walk back on the ground becomes a harder and longer process than falling.

Sometimes strange things happen in life that make you really realize that you're not over that guy even when you know that you're not meant to be together and that you deserve so much better. Because no matter who gives you hugs or cuddles you, a part of you would always feel that you'd rather it be him doing all those things for you. Then you start wondering if he would even care if he found out.

It also sucks how things are so double-sided. Like when something good happens, he's automatically the first person you want to tell it to, but since you're broken up and bitter towards his moving on so quickly, you don't want him to find out.

I think of wishing for a lot of things that I know won't come true - I wish that I could get over this right away; I wish that time would pass by quicker; I wish that karma gets him; I wish that he didn't move on so quickly; I wish that he was in the same state I'm in. But there's no use in wishing things like this. Instead, I wish that I could have the strength to climb back up every time I fall into a pit hole. I wish that every time I climb back up, I get to walk with more confidence and be stronger the next time I fall. I wish I could keep walking, no matter how fast or how slow it takes me, and not give up. And I wish that somewhere at the finish line, there will be people or someone who will be there to hold my hand and tell me that I don't have to go through that journey alone anymore. But really, I just wish I have the strength to go through this challenge in life by myself. And I wish that after this long and strenuous journey, I can find the courage to trust someone with my heart again, because right now, I don't think I can.