Thoughts in: L.A.
This is crazy because it feels like just a few days ago, I wrote a blog post on my feelings about finishing my sophomore year, and now junior year of college is done. WHAT?! I can't believe it's been a year ago. A full on year ago. It feels like it was just yesterday, but so much stuff has happened and so much has changed that it feels weird to feel nostalgic. Let's see, what has happened since last summer? First, Andy and I started dating, which pretty much summed up my whole summer and Fall semester. I started my first internship at Make It Happen Productions in July and continued that until Fall. I also started my first semester in the Film Production program at CSUN in Fall and met the loveliest people who I am very close friends with now. I went back to Taiwan for Christmas break, which was awesome. I came back for my Spring semester, and 2nd semester as a Film Production major. Andy and I broke up after 9 months, which really was the lowest point of my whole year, but wait for it....lots of things happened after that! Lots of very good things. I was miserable, as in, not-eating-for-3-weeks miserable. But during those 3 weeks, my film fam has been there for me and Carly, my internship friend, has been there for me like crazy. I honestly don't know how I could've coped without them. Of course, my mom and my family were very supportive and talked me to sleep during my horrible sleepless nights. My wonderful and most-caring father bought me a car and that car has brought me so much joy. My academics dipped at its lowest point during those sad sad 3 weeks, but I worked really hard to pull them up when I got my life together. I spent spring break in the beautiful state of Oregon with the Barneys, which was a great refresher.
I don't know what it is about the weeks that happen after Spring Break, but they are magical - just as they were last year. I come back, get my driver's license, and everything after that was an adventure. Every weekend was something new with friends, another adventure, a new place to see, and every week surprised me with really random and highly entertaining things like guys, projects, and new music. Did I mention that I actually had no time during fall semester that I didn't even have free time to find new music? I was too busy trying to make Andy feel secure that I didn't even have time for myself. I didn't realize how much being with him was holding me back, to a point where I couldn't even get time to find new music to just fill the gaps in my days. But apart from music bringing me happiness, I found more things about myself. I just went ahead and tried to find freelance jobs, and somehow, things fell into place. I landed a fantastic Photography internship for the summer where I'm gonna learn about building a business and maintaining it, as well as doing some photography-related things. I landed two weddings to film this summer. TWO. TWO!!! And I'm getting paid for both of them! Suddenly, I'm one step closer to achieving my wedding photography/videography dream. Sometimes, just the thought of it baffles me. This is real life. This is MY real life, can you believe it?
Apart from all that, I've been exposed to even more possibilities that I did not know would arrive. Come Fall 2015, we will be doing our Senior Thesis Films so everyone's been busy with their proposals and getting people to be in their crews. I had this tiny thought that maybe, if I get super lucky, I'd be able to DP one of the short films, but I just threw that thought away because I never felt that I was good enough. Then one day, someone asked me to be DP in their film. And then another came and so on and now I'm attached to 7 projects - 5 of them as DP, 1 as 1st AC and 1 as PD. I might even propose (I admit, I am supposed to be writing my script, but I'm writing this blog post first because I have a lot of feelings and I procrastinate a lot). I just never thought that I would be in this position. I know the chances of having one of these projects picked is really slim, but I am so grateful for all of these opportunities. After attending the Senior Thesis Showcase this semester, I swear, I have never been prouder to be a part of our CSUN CTVA Film Production team. I've never loved film as much as I love it now. There's so much to learn and so much to experience, and I feel like a noob (because I am one), but I can't wait to experiment and try new things. I got to be 1st AC in our Night Exterior Workshop in our Cinematography class 2 weeks ago and I learned how to assemble a Red One, which lead me to assemble and take care of the Red Scarlet that we used for our Cinematography walkthrough, and it was amazing. I found that I'm happiest when I'm with the camera. It doesn't matter what my role is, as long as I'm working with the camera, and I think that's something valuable to know.
I discovered so many things about myself in the 5 weeks after spring break, and thankfully enough, I took some baby steps that lead me closer to my career goals. I fell in love with the craft I'm studying. I fell in love with life, and life loved me back. It definitely took a lot to get where I am now. Lots of pot holes, lots of emotions and sad days, but there has never been a day where I never thanked God for everyone and everything he's lead my way. I'm thankful for my family, they are my rocks and I would not be able to survive without them. I'm thankful for the CTVA faculty - they lifted me up when my wings needed mending. I'm thankful for my friends for being amazing. I know what it's like to be in a place without family and without friends - that's what I had to deal with last year. But now that I have them, I am never taking them for granted. They don't come easy. I'm thankful for my job that has allowed me to live a great life thus far. I'm thankful for my car. Oh Lord, I am SO THANKFUL for my car. It has allowed me to go on new adventures - whether it's with people or by myself - and it's allowed me to be inspired. It's my partner in crime (although it comes with a cost. A huge cost), and it's my Toothless. I'm thankful for all the opportunities that came my way. I honestly don't know how or why, but I am thankful that they came and that I got the courage to take them all and just go for it.
So that's my junior year. Did I go through a crazy emotional time like last year? Oh yes, for sure. Did the breakup define this semester? Definitely not. In the big picture, the breakup doesn't even ruin or stain anything. It was just painful during the times the pain had to be felt, but once I moved on from that, I became thankful for it. It's been one crazy year, but hey, everything about it was great. I had a loving boyfriend that I got to spend all the important holidays with - my birthday, his birthday, my 1st 4th of July, pre-Christmas season, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, Halloween, and all the beautiful times in between. When the awesome holiday seasons were over and we fell apart, other amazing things fell into place. I fell into place. The cracks in my broken heart are being filled with new versions of me.
I was given the gift to experience so much in a span of 365 days! Always growing, always learning, always adventuring. What a year. If I could scream on top of a hill thanking the world right now, I would. I am so blessed to have been able to experience all this. This. No one can ever take this away from me. Thank you. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my fantastic Junior year of college. What a ride, what a thrill.
I pass the baton to senior year. HERE'S TO THE BEST LAST SUMMER VACATION AND TO THE BEST SENIOR YEAR EVER!!!!!
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