Wake Up Call

Thoughts in: L.A. 

I had two wake up calls on Wednesday: the first, was to give up liking this guy because it's going nowhere and all the confusion in my head finally made sense. The second, was to snap out of my pool of self-doubt and discourage, and to just apply to get in the Film Production program here in school. I've thought about it a lot and before I was really thinking of just settling with a major in TV Production. I wouldn't have to do a portfolio and it sounded interesting. With the portfolio due date coming by so soon, I thought, "Yeah, I don't need to get into Film Production. Same thing anyway." Thank God I didn't end up not trying out for it again. I did that for Musical Theatre and I don't want to do it again. This whole not-believing-in-myself thing is getting ridiculous and if I feel that I'm not good enough for anything and never end up trying, I'll really never know. I guess I owe my wake up call to my film professor, who could be real mean in class but once he approached me and talked to me about applying to the major, things changed. Maybe I have potential - I'm not a pro and I have so much to learn, but the thing is, I love learning new things about film - about cinematography, lighting, editing, anything about it. So thanks to the wonders of Wednesday and everything that happened in it. Thanks to my friend, who I usually chat with during break in class, for not showing up - because he wasn't there, my professor got to talk to me for a bit and gave me hope. Thanks to my professor for being harsh - it only meant that once he's nice, he might be seeing potential (or not, but I'd like to believe so). Thanks to the guy for not texting me back - I finally got to give up on you and not be so caught up in liking you. Thanks to my two high school friends for coming to visit me that night - for the first time, I needed this place to feel like home, and you guys made that happen. And it was also comforting to know that I'm not the only one who's unhappy or unsure about what to major in.

It's a Saturday morning. I'm minutes away from getting ready to take photos for my photo story needed in my portfolio. I spent the rest of the week thinking about it and thanks to my roommate last night, I got the best moral dilemma. I have the shot list and storyboard ready. And... *breaks into song* FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVEEEEEEEEEEEER, okay maybe not forever, but for the first time ever since I attended CSUN, I'm finally excited to do something for my major and for my next 2 years left of college. I'm finally excited to try. There's no backing down anymore. Failure is no longer scary. For the first time since I got here, I found my passion again. This time, I'm not letting go of it that easily anymore.

So thank you, Wednesday. I'm awake now. Cue "Wake Me Up" by Avicii.